A nail.
Plunged into the temple.
A fractured shockwave
Echoes down my skull.
Bone splinters
Compound my clavicle
Cracks running like water
The skin whitens as it tightens;
It bursts under pressure.
Thorny as I become red as a rose,
Petals falling to the floor.
—
©The Anatomical Heart 2012
The lurid yellow tubes
Fluoresce in my face.
With my nose pressed,
touching the warm glass,
I see the light,
I feel the hum.
The buzz of electrics,
Free flowing,
Illuminating.
The sign calls all and sundry,
Begging to be noticed.
But for all it’s florid calling
It doesn’t stand out.
It is surrounded by others,
Equally as lurid,
Equally as bright.
Why would someone stop,
To take stock,
To pay mind -
When there is so much on this path -
Begging.
Pleading.
Yearning, for their attention?
No one can quiet the din long enough.
Impossible.
Impossible, for anyone to discern
One,
From the other,
From the next.
A needle in a haystack springs to mind,
No
More like a needle in a field of pins.
—
©The Anatomical Heart 2012
Each day it finds me,
Without even moving.
I am jarred to a halt,
Then ricocheted aback.
A force to acknowledge.
I must pay homage.
Avoidance is senseless -
For the process is quick.
It finds me each morn,
Still sheathed in nights tint.
It seeks no recompense.
A look all-knowing,
Is what it wants in gratuity.
Bleary-eyed, is how I greet it,
My first vision of the day,
Still struggling to comprehend.
It doesn’t care anymore;
As long as I concede -
That it’s seven twenty-four.
Trigger warning for self-harm and suicide themes below the cut.
Grabbing, squeezing, pressing, pinching.
A pillow of flesh obscures me from the world.
Pushing, prodding, tearing,clawing.
I must rip away this barrier,
Minimize it to the nth degree.
A subcutaneous prison holds me,
My sentence ever doubling, tripling in length.
Never shall I be paroled,
My good behavior is never enough.
I am jealous of the trees,
Of the flora; of the fauna -
Who inhabit swathes of sky,
I shall never pass under.
Who soak up sun,
Who imbibe water,
Who are kissed by the breeze.
None of which will touch my lips,
Tousle my hair, or,
Nourish my parched soul.
How has only a minute passed?
How long must I wait before rejoining the earth?
Flowing here and there,
Coalescing where I may,
Where I am needed,
Where I am wanted.
Entangled amongst my brethren,
Enmeshed, but not embarrassed,
We exist together,
Bound closer over time.
Whose roots are these?
—
Reaching out into the darkness, clutching at nothing,
The emptiness surrounds,
We are truly alone.
Alone,
Together alone.
Tethered by the flatland’s,
Never seeing, never touching,
A nebular of black.
Realization – now in the darkroom of existence,
No one is behind the curtain,
Eternities are spent craning our necks till they snap,
Searching,
- then comprehending.
No one is out there,
No one is waiting,
Trapped in the shroud till death’s release!
We are the darkness.
Originally published at cryinginthebathroom on the 17th of June, 2012.
